Dear Shashar and Lily...

...here you go. A post just for you.

So why have I not posted even once in 2011? I mean Layla is FINALLY sleeping through the night, sort of, knock on wood. She has slept through the night about 10 of the last 14 days. Yes, being able to sleep again is all I ever dreamt it would be. 

The reason why I think that she's sleeping through the night, and why I don't get to blog, is because she is going to daycare 5 days a week. It's more of a consistent routine. I think the regular routine, and the fact that they do so many activities with Layla till she's tuckered out at the end of the day, is why she's been sleeping well. BUT, just when I thought things were going peachy, she started a new class yesterday.  Her new teacher is great, super smiley, nice, happy, enthusiastic, but Layla shows some separation anxiety for the first time. Ugh!! It's heart breaking. She cried big tears as I handed her off to her teacher today.

So I'm sitting at our office, which I go to 5 full days a week now, writing this post when I should be responding to work emails, because now that I am at work 5 days a week, there's even more work to do - go figure!  Because Shahrzad and Lily posted on my Facebook that I need to change the name of my blog to the Ruby Quarterly, I felt compelled to post. True, I have been lagging. Last week, for example, I went to mom's house every night after work, fed Layla, then got home by 8 and put her to bed and passed out early myself. Weekends I spend every available minute looking for a home to rent or buy (long shot). So there really is no time, unless I do it at work, which I can't justify the time spent because I've started to go jog/walking at the Rose Bowl during lunch and that takes up any "spare"-like time.

Not only have I not blogged, but I barely talked to or saw any friends in January. I went out on the town with Megan and Jenny for Jenny's birthday a couple of Saturdays ago. We hit a bunch of bars, drank, danced, played pool, made the DJ play our songs, and took a cab back home. Going out now in our later 30's is way different then it was 10 years ago. Or even 5 years ago. I don't have the stamina for one, to stay awake, or drink fast enough to not make me sleepy (truth be told, I barely got buzzed before I got tired and wanted to take a nap). At least I didn't get sick (and I'll leave it at that). Two, I don't like the way clubbers dress in too short dresses without the body to go in them, yuk. There's junk in the trunk, on the dashboard, in the cupholders, basically the club goers are junk on wheels. The crowd was a lot less appealing (then back in the day), which sounds snobby, because it is, but I like to people watch the beautiful people when I finally get the hoseleh to go out.  C,  there's this constant nag in the back of my head wondering if we all look like cougars while out on the town. I don't think we're old enough to be cougars, but we're older than everyone else, or so it seems. I feel like my age group is this no man's land, we don't go out much and are underrepresented on the scene. I don't know why that bothers me. We were convinced this adorable bartender that was giving us attention and shots had to be in his twenties. And that was kind of depressing for some reason. Turns out he was our age (we asked). The bouncer at the door, looked 30 ish, was in his 40's (showed me his drivers license). Who knew?! So maybe there were more in our age group than I had assumed, but we do such a good job that you can't tell.

Are you so glad that you gave me a hard time to post, or what? On a side note, I now have 19 followers. God love you all, but why would you want to read my blog? It USED to be fun to read, but I'm afraid I've lost some of my spunk. Maybe once I get a few more full nights of sleep I'll get back to spunky. Until then, bye.

Gratitude

2010 almost kicked my ass. The only reason I don't call it the worst year ever, is because I'm clinging to all that I have to be grateful for and all that could have been much worse and wasn't.  This year my close friends and family experienced deaths, cancer, divorce, the near or total destruction of close relationships, financial strain, emotional exhaustion, and shocking disappointment in people I expected better of, just to name a few. I'm grateful that there weren't more deaths and that all those that did survive are healthy and the relationships that weren't ended are hanging on.  I'm most grateful for Layla and Sheila, if anything happened to them, there would be a ripple effect through my entire family and everyone else that I care about would crumble till I had nothing to cling to that I can pin my gratitude on to keep my head above water. Really the only thing that kept me going was constantly reminding myself of the good stuff, especially Layla and Sheila.  Remembering is not always easy when you have to force it down your own throat, or when I'm being kept up night after night after sleepless night.  Did I mention that I still have yet to experience regular sleep?

I keep going back and forth between the deep resentment I have towards 2010, and kicking myself for having a pity party and not feeling all the things I have to be grateful for. So I'm going to decide to be over it. I'm hoping that I'm stronger after experiencing 2010. I hope that all the effort I've put into being grateful will carry over into 2011 so that I can enjoy the things I'm grateful for, and don't just use them to maintain my sanity. Big difference.

So, as the clock ticks, and the year comes to an end, I say one last thanks to 2010 for the good that you allowed to stay good and the bad that didn't happen that could have happened. It may seem like a cynical sentiment, but I'm being totally sincere.

Hello, followers.

I just noticed that I have 11 followers. I don't really know what this means. I've never "followed" anyone's blog. I don't have a blog reader set up to notify me when someone has updated their blog. None of my 11 followers look familiar, I did a quick look at a couple and don't know who any of you are. If you're a follower of mine and read this post, humor me and let me know why.  There are a handful of blogs that I like to check from time to time, none of them religiously though. I'm pretty behind on all of my blogs. I used to regularly read Weddingbee and Post Secret, but its been years since I read the posts on a regular basis.

So in addition to the 11 followers, and 3 friends that I know of that read this, and maybe 3 family members, that's a whole 17 semi-regular readers of my blog. Maybe I should monetize my blog and have little advertisement thumbnails lined up on the sidebar. The pay-per-click ones where I would make like $0.15 per click. So if everyone clicked on it every time I write a new post, and I post about once a month, that's like $2.55 a month. Sweet!

Shenius

Shenius= female genius.

It can be considered both offensive and perfectly suited for Layla. Offensive because having a specific word for a female genius suggests that the word genius is exclusive of the female gender, which we all know is far from the truth. For today's intent and purpose, lets not find it offensive, and instead let's observe Layla's adorable brilliance:

This might not seem like a big deal to everyone. But to those around her, it's a huge step. I asked her to put the laundry into the  basket, and she did it. She understood what I said and then performed a task. I couldn't believe it at first and had to pull out my iPhone to record this mini-major-milestone. Then I promptly texted it to Cary, who promptly showed it to his partner at work. It's been emailed to grandparents and aunts and uncle, so it's probably going viral (in our immediate family) as we speak.

In the last couple of days, Layla has learned new words and tricks that constantly surprise everyone around her. I held out her teddy bear and asked her what it was and she said "bur"(I screamed, "yeeessss!! good girl!!" which she likes to hear).  I asked her what a chicken says (while she was eating chicken for dinner) and she said, "bak bak baaak" as she munched away. We walked into the parking garage, and she pointed at each car and said, "ca! ca! ca!".  Yesterday she fell asleep on my lap without her pacifier, and without any warning. She just put her head down and was out, that has never happened.

Everyday brings new surprises. I mean EVERY-SINGLE-DAY!!  She's so much fun. It makes the fact that she still wakes up in the middle of the night a little easier to deal with. Hopefully when this cough she has passes, that will be the end of that chapter. Fingers crossed, knock on wood.

Welcome William Ryo Kelly

Mini Bubbs is here!
Can't wait to meet little Will!!

Halloween goody bags for Layla's school

Layla's school has a Halloween parade on Friday. The kids get dressed up and the teachers take them to walk in a circle and show off their costumes. And somehow, this becomes a source of stress for me....

Last week, Layla's teacher handed me an envelope with a letter and detailed information explaining the Halloween festivities for the day that included a list of every classmate's name, as well as each teacher's name, and floating teacher's names. This is just in case I want to bring presents for everyone. So I read each page over and over because it's pretty dense in information. Yes, this is for a toddler's Halloween parade, not college application process.

You'd be surprised how much pressure a mom can put on herself to offer the perfect present to these little buggers. You don't "have" to bring gifts for the kids,  but  you sort of feel obligated to participate. Because otherwise, you're not a bad person, you just kind of suck a little bit.

 For Valentine's day, I hadn't gotten my act together after going back to work and gave the kids Valentines a week late. They consisted of little squirting bath toys, because I couldn't think of anything else to give infants. You can't give them food because they mostly drink milk only and if you give clothes or toys it can expensive when you're buying for 16 babies. Plus you gotta get goodies for the teachers too.

So for Halloween, I found the perfect gift. Again, I went with the bath toys. Halloween themed rubber duckies:

Are they cute or what?! I made little tags with each kid's name on it and  "Happy Halloween! Love, Layla".  Half were duckies dressed as a witch and half were dressed as pumpkins. I didn't want to do candy because they are all just barely 1 years old and I don't think most parents let them eat junk food yet.

A lot of thought and effort went into choosing, buying, and assembling these. Half of Tuesday was devoted to this. Like I have so much time on my hands, right?  Unless the other parents out-do me, I think I'm going to feel pretty good about my Halloween goody bags. I'll finally get to feel like the Joneses that everyone is trying to keep up with. Isn't that the point?

(note the last three sentences aren't as pathetic as they sound. i was trying to be ironically sarcastical)

Loves her watermelon

I picked up Layla from Mom's house and found her dressed in this cutesy jumper, eating her 3rd watermelon slice. She could eat watermelon for every meal and not get tired of it.

Sneaking up on Layla

I went to pick up Layla from school today and found her in the middle of an art project.

She was painting a bat for Halloween.

Then she was painting her shirt.

Then she painted me.

Trip to the Grove

Layla wasn't feeling good today, so I kept her home from school. She has a little cough, runny nose, and worst of all her molars are coming in. I could tell she had cabin fever, so I bundled her up in her warmest clothes, and headed for the Grove. Yeah, I know, why did I keep her home from school and then decide to take her to the Grove? Because I'm the mommy now and I get to do whatever I want, so there.



I've had this jacket since she was a newborn and was so excited to finally get to use it. It's so fun dressing her!







You can't even tell that she's teething and has a cough. She's such a trooper!





She love the little water fountain sculptures.





When you ask her what a fish says, this is the face she makes.





I wish I had video of her dancing to the musical water fountain.



Regulating?

Today I had one of those few moments where I felt like I wasn't being tossed around like a rag doll in the drier. I woke up to the sound of Layla playing in her crib, which she slept in all night without waking up. That hasn't happened in a while. Then I got up and put her in bed with Cary and a bottle of milk and let them play watch Sesame Street while I finally got my medical expense records together from last year so I could submit them for Flexible Spending Account reimbursement. It's been on my To-Do list for a whole year. Then I made Layla breakfast and watched her eat 1 1/2 egg yolks, a hunk of cheese, a piece of toast, and 20 grapes. She would have eaten more grapes if I had given them to her. It's like baby crack. I let her play on the new alphabet rubber mat with all of her toys and chased her little till she got sleepy. Put her down for a nap by 10. Got on the computer, finished FSA stuff, responded to work emails, showered (whoa!), did some more work, and then Layla woke up at about 11:45. Longer than usual. I gave her some snacks, got her changed and dressed, tossed her in the stroller and we walked over to the Grove. Bought my neighbor a baby gift. We went to Cheesecake Factory and I ordered Layla sliders off of the kids menu. She sat on my lap and ate some broccoli, burger, bread, banana and didn't make too much of a fuss while I gobbled down a few bites of my lunch. That's the first time I've gone to a restaurant with Layla alone, I think. It usually is a two-man job. But she did really well. Then we went over to Barnes and Noble kid's section so Layla could wander around knocking books off the shelf while I chased her around and put the books back where they belonged. She loves the kid's book section though. Then I got myself a spiced pumpkin latte at Starbucks and tried to put Layla back in her stroller, that was a challenge though since my stroller's cup holder broke and holding a baby and hot drink, and navigating a stroller doesn't work unless you have 3 arms. She finally chilled out, sat in her stroller, and we walked back home just in time for Layla to take a nap in her crib. Which is why I have time to yippity yap on the computer. Woo hoo! I'm going to back blog about Saturday now...unless Layla wakes up.

If I could get a couple of days like this a week, I think my sanity might actually come out of hiding. I'm not asking for much, just simplicity and less exhaustion, a little regularity. Until then, .......sigh.......