Getting sick used to mean I got a break

I had a mean bug this past week. I'm lucky that I've gotten sick a lot less frequently ever since I got pregnant (knock on wood). Maybe because I've been more cautious about getting exposed, who knows.... Since Layla was born I think I've gotten really sick maybe twice. Layla caught a virus and now has a sinus infection. She's still a happy sweetheart, but is a little fussy and cranky and has even more trouble sleep through the night. She's on her first antibiotics right now. Poor thing. And her top front tooth is coming in at a funny angle and a lot of her gum has had to open up and it looks so painful.

I'm feeling sorry for myself. I was remembering the days when I would get sick and it meant staying home, on the couch, able to take NyQuil and not worry about being a zombie because all I had to think about was myself, watching TV and dozing in and out of consciousness. It seems like a vacation compared to what I am afforded now. Not only can I not rest, but I can't take any meds that might make me drowsy, and I don't get full nights of restful sleep. I didn't know I had it in me, but I've survived.

Despite all the challenges and exhaustion brought on by parenthood, I've gotta say that every time I get through another challenge that I had doubts about surviving with my sanity in tact, I do feel a sense of pride. A certain sense of - f%$* yeah! damn straight! I do feel like a stronger person for being able to endure the day to day, constant, non-stop requirements. That's the best way to put it: requirements. I'm constantly required. All day, everyday, while I'm awake, while I'm asleep, even when she's at daycare, I'm always required. I know there is a better word for it, but my ability to articulate is just pooey. Chalking it up to sleep deprivation.

Years from now ( or next month) I will read these entries, after forgetting what my state of mind was, and be reminded of all of this. I'm not sure what this perspective will afford me, but I think it will be valuable. Or at least entertaining.

Other milestones that have happened recently include Layla getting pretty close to standing on her own. Actually yesterday we went to Mom's for her birthday and Layla used Cary to prop up into standing position and stood for a second without holding on to anyone all by herself. This is great and awful because she will be traveling to Europe in July and if she's walking by then, she'll want to run up down the aisle and it will be exhausting to keep up with her.

Back to milestones, Cary lowered Layla's crib since she's able to stand on her own. It is now at the lowest position. On Saturday, Cary took Layla to Santa Monica to have lunch with a friend all by himself. That was the first time Cary has taken Layla somewhere without me. We double checked her diaper bag and packed extra formula and bottles. Made sure there were extra binkies in the car. I think we were both a little nervous about it. She was fussy, but everyone survived. I got a couple hours of rest, which is rare to nonexistent these days.

It's been about 3 weeks since Layla has nursed. I'm kind of sad that it's over. I think I may have written about it before, I can't remember. But to be able to eat or drink whatever I want and not worry about the effect on Layla is great. Plus, she loves formula now. Making a bottle in the middle of the night isn't as hard as I though it would be. You get over it, as with most things. Layla not nursing is why Cary was able to take her on Saturday and why I was able to leave her with my mom today. She loves her solid foods too, which makes life so much easier then if she were a fussy eater. I hope this doesn't change.

Last night, I think I actually got 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. This might be a record. I thought Layla slept through the night, but actually I slept through her crying and Cary took care of her. I must have been hurting if my head didn't wake me up. I do feel better today. I hope Layla does to. I already miss her (I'm at working blogging in between working).