Farewell Sleep, my dear companion.

Layla will be 10 weeks old tomorrow. I haven't had a SINGLE night of sleep since before she was born. Of course, before she was born, when I woke up often in the middle of the night to pee or eat, I had the option of going right back to bed, or just sleeping during the day. I have no options like that anymore...


Last night I went to bed at around 10pm, woke up at midnight and changed, fed, and burped Layla. Just when I was about to put her down, she pooped so I changed her again. Then I soothed Layla (because she thought it was play time!) and put her down around 1:20. Then around 3am she woke up again so I fed her, burped her, changed her, then fed her some more (first feeding was small), then changed her again (because 2nd feeding was big and she had a big poop right afterwards). Then I put her down around 4:05. I was reeeeaaally hoping that since her last feeding was big and she got a nice big poop out of the way, that she was going to stay down for a good 3 hours and not wake up till after 7am and Cary could take care of her. Wrong, She woke up at 6am, hungry of course. So I fed her and burped her and changed her diaper and put her down. She slept a whole 45 minutes and was ready to start her day!! I wanted to punch myself in the face I was so exhausted at this point. Mind you, I slept even less the night before and haven't actually slept a full night for probably almost 4 months when I was still pregnant.

So today I'm trying to put her down in her crib for the first time. She usually sleeps in a bassinet next to our bed so that I can hear her if she cries and feed her without walking to the next room. But I have a feeling that our super creaky bed and the sounds of the street from our bedroom might contribute to her interrupted sleep. Who knows, but I'll try anything at this point.

Last week I finally bought a baby monitor. So my excuse of not being able to hear or see her is gone. About 45 minutes ago, I took all the pillows and blankets out of her crib, put her in a swaddle blanket, and placed her in the center of her giant crib. Then I stood there and watched as she minded her own business, kicking and punching, cooing and sucking her thumb. Then I set up the baby monitor, and finally left the room. After 5 minutes of fun, she wanted out and started whining. So I let her whine. Then the whines turned to cries and after 10 minutes of her being alone in her room, I went in and picked her up. She fell asleep in 2 minutes in my arms (thank goodness!). Then I got her bassinet out of our room and put it in her room and put her in the bassinet and set up the baby monitor.

So I'm sitting in the living room right now, taking peaks at the baby monitor as she takes a nap. It's almost noon and she fell asleep around 11:20. She's never taken more than 45 minute naps during the day, unless she's in someones arms. Then she'll sleep for hours, but nothing gets done and I'm still sleep deprived. So if I can get this to work and start getting her to nap on her own around 11 everyday and have and hour or two get things done, I might actually start to get a handle on things...

Until then, I have sort of accepted the fact that may not sleep a single night for the rest of 2009. The little sleep I do get doesn't count as "sleep" to me. Theses are just naps. So until dear Sleep and I can reconnect, I will have to settle on an affair with Nap. Nap is stingy with it's time, rarely gives it up. I hate Nap, but I'm desperate and needy.