Twice in 1 month!

Last week the kids were on their 3rd week of winter break. It started to get brutal. This was my mental wrestle:
-I want to ditch work and be with the kids.
-I want to get work done, but still be with the kids.  But if I take them to work, nothing will get done and I'll be mad at them.
-I want to ditch everything and run from my kids.
This was in constant rotation so I never really felt like I knew what I wanted, and never felt like I was choosing to do what I wanted. This is probably part of the description of an unstable person, right?
The two days I got them to go to a sports camp, I spent every other minute worrying about them while I tried to chug along and get as much as my focusing capacity could handle. The one day I stayed home with them, I felt like I needed to get stuff done at home, and couldn't focus on them exclusively, and they kept pulling me away from what I had my mind set on.
I've decided to commit to receiving help with my childcare needs. Today is the first day that we have an after-school nanny. I meet her at Atticus's school and shadow her for a couple of days so that she knows where to pick the kids up from and drive them to. My plan is to get everything I need to get done at work with the extra time I have now that I don't have to leave early to get Atticus. Then when I do get home, the kids' homework and (new) chores will be done and I can spend quality time with them, or start dinner while nanny is there. Still a work in progress. I do feel more hopeful, and less desperate over all. That's gotta be a good thing.